My very intuitive friends used to tell me I needed to trust myself more. In my mind, I did trust myself. However, one of them politely informed me that while I may trust certain aspects of myself, like to do the right thing, be a good person, be on time and the like, that was not the part to which they were referring. I shook my head in disbelief that the trust they were talking about was my feelings and decisions. Wow! I wanted to strenuously object, but I couldn’t. Guilty! When I really delved into it, I really didn’t trust my feelings and decisions. And the reason was? Well it goes back to my survival story. The story you tell that helped you survive your perspective of the life that presented itself. For most of my life I felt criticized or ostracized for doing things my way, for the decisions I made for having a feeling unlike what someone else thought I should feel.
Learning to trust yourself is not easy when you’ve had to yield to authority or been ostracized for being different than the “norm”. Once the situation occurs you then constantly look for approval from outside of yourself so that you can comply. You also are hesitant to make decisions without speaking to someone else. Alternatively if you are an accomplished person you will also find yourself wanting to prove to others that you are smart that you can make a decision and do things the right way and it will show up in strange ways like agreeing with someone who other’s look up to or getting them to validate you in public for their approval and your acceptance by others. Whatever way it manifest, you are seeking approval of someone outside of you – it’s exhausting – trust me, no pun intended!
So how do you begin to trust your feelings and the decisions you make?
- Do a self assessment – are things in your life working? For me, I looked around and decided that most of my life, with the exception of work and love, was in good shape. I had good relationships, I was financially stable, and my health was in good condition.
- ID the common thread – both of my exceptions had a common thread of authority and control. Most of my bosses didn’t seem to get me and in the bad cases went out of their way to control or exert their authority even when it was unwarranted – my version of course. On the love side it was control and manipulation.
- Examine my perspective – here is where the fun begins. Because I cannot control the actions of another, I had to examine what it was that would cause me to have my reactions to them. A wise man told me that a problem between you and another is 99% yours. OUCH! But so true, I had to own the fact that my perspective came from being criticized and controlled by an authority figure, so when I heard something familiar in their tone or actions I would interpret it from my limited perspective. But what to do?
- Self Forgiveness – it took sitting with and owning my part (my 99%) in this debacle and being able to forgive myself.
- Self Love and Acceptance – It is at this point where I could feel the shift had occurred. Once you can accept what transpired and your part in it, it is then you start to feel the healing.
- Redesign – Once you know why you do what you do, the next step is to figure out how you can handle it differently next time. This is the creative part.
If it sounds daunting and you don’t think you can be objective enough then by all means, give me a call, I will guide you through these steps to a happier, healthier and healed you!
Maureen Roe is a healing facilitator whose gift for hearing energetic patterns helps clients easily identify any faulty perspectives and limiting beliefs and through the application of energetic medicine and coaching Maureen brings you to redesigning a new healthy perspective from you own authentic power.