Do you have boundaries, do you set boundaries? Most of my life trying to have a boundary was just not in the cards. Having never been able to have boundaries that someone in authority didn’t cross, I never thought there was any purpose in having them. This month for some reason the topic of boundaries is coming up everywhere.
I was and still am a go along, get along gal, but there is a difference between letting people be who they are and letting someone walk all over you because you are not able to express yourself, afraid someone won’t like you, scared your boss will be mad and fire you or give a dissenting opinion . I think the absolute worse one for me was to think that someone would not like me. UGH!
Consequently, most of my life I have not accomplished or expressed things I wanted people to know and the worst part was eating meals, watching movies or doing a lot of things I really didn’t want to do because I didn’t know how to say, “no” or “suggest” something else. WOW!
Setting boundaries is really about being comfortable with who you are and being able to let others be who they are. Setting boundaries is having the internal strength to know that you have a right to express yourself. It is basically setting rules for others to know how to acceptably interact with you.
If you are successful in your quest to set boundaries, a word of caution. Those around you who are used to you not having boundaries may be reeling from the shock and some may not be able to handle it at all or some just not gracefully. Remember you are growing and evolving and neither of those are comfortable. Give them an opportunity to get to know the new you before judging.
I remember the first time I set a strong boundary with a dear friend of mine who love to shop. She could spend hours in a store picking out, trying things on only to walk out with nothing. Meanwhile I’m bored stiff . So, one day she calls and says , “I want you to come shopping with me, I haven’t seen you in a while.” I explained to her that while I would love to spend time with her, I am not the shopper she is and I get tired and bored. I then proceeded to give her some options I could live with and she happily accepted.
While I think the interaction surprised her, as growth in someone always does bring up the unexpected, I think she recognized it for what it was. We are still great friends to this day.
Having trouble with boundaries in your life? If so I would love to help you to better engage with your body/mind connection and bring about you natural inner boundary setter and access greater self expression. Go to the contact page now!